Feedback · the writers' room

Sal is out of material.

Twenty-nine lines, one cough we kept, and the same Randy joke every Thursday since 2004. Sally has thirty lines and a grudge. They need new stuff, and you're funnier than both of them. Pitch us the most hilarious thing you've got: a line for Sal, a comeback for Sally, or something else entirely. The dumber and dirtier, the better.

Staff writer (unpaid)Hours: whenever you're funny · Benefits: none
Pitch a bit Email it insteadsupport@degeneratedealer.com

A person reads every pitch · Sal pretends to

Sal behind his rail: green visor, unlit cigar, waiting to be impressed. Click to poke him. Sally behind her rail: visor knocked sideways, a pink streak in her bob, a queen of hearts and a red pen's worth of opinions. Click to poke her.

The pitch

Feed the dealer.

One idea per pitch, as many pitches as you've got. A real person reads every one, laughs at most of them, and slides the best ones across the table to Sal and Sally.

Who's it for?

Send an idea and we can use it, change it or ignore it without owing you a thing (it's in the Terms, and Sal doesn't get paid either). A name and address are only ever used to write back. Privacy Policy.

Rather email it?

support@degeneratedealer.com

Same inbox, same humans, same total lack of a filter.

What we're after
  • A line for Sal: the opener, a blind raise, the break
  • A comeback for Sally when somebody slow-rolls
  • A whole new dealer: who, how they talk, what their problem is
  • A skit for Sal and Sally to open the timer with
  • A feature nobody asked for and everybody needs
  • A house rule for the footer
Not a joke?

Fine. Bugs, gripes and serious ideas go in the same box: pick Something else. For a bug, tell us your system and the app's version. Need an answer today? The contact form is quicker.

A word from Sally

"Make it filthy. I'll make it filthier."

House rules for pitches

Six rules. Randy broke four.

  1. Funny beats clean. It's an explicit dealer. The sober mood is there for your in-laws.
  2. Roast the table, not a real person. Randy is made up. Your brother-in-law isn't, and he would find out.
  3. One idea per pitch. Got six? Send six. Ten every fifteen minutes, then Sal takes a smoke break. He has a union.
  4. Stealing is the whole point. If Sal ends up saying it, you get bragging rights and nothing else. He doesn't get paid either.
  5. Every pitch gets read. By an actual person, with a straight face, for at least four seconds.
  6. Randy may not pitch. He knows why.

Questions

Before you pitch.

Will you actually use my idea?

If it makes us laugh and it fits the timer, maybe. No promises and no dates. Sal is still waiting on a tip from 1998.

Do I get paid, or credited?

No, and no promise of credit either: send us an idea and we can use it without owing you anything. That's in the Terms. Sal works for nothing too, and look how happy he is.

How dirty is too dirty?

If it would get Sal fired from a riverboat, that's fine. He already was. Nothing hateful, and nothing about a real person by name.

Can I pitch a whole new dealer?

Please. Tell us who they are, how they talk and what their problem is, and pick Something else.

Will you write back?

If you leave an address and the pitch needs an answer, a person will. No address, no reply. And no mailing list either way: an address left here is used to answer you and for nothing else.