New · Online tables
Somebody moved to Denver. Somebody has the kids. Somebody's car is "making a noise" again. Fine: deal it online. A live Texas Hold'em table in the browser, everybody's face at their seat, a chat for the trash talk, and Sal dealing every hand. Chips only. Pants optional.
Shuffling up
The same eight the real table has. They float up off your own seat, so everybody knows who threw the fish.
Everybody sits as the face they picked when they signed up. Yes, even that one.
His eyes follow the action and he calls the blinds out loud, just as rude as he is in person. Booked Sally? She deals instead.
The dealer's log runs through it too, so nobody can say they missed the raise. Looking at you, Dave.
Eight of them, fish and shark included. Everybody already knows which one they are.
How it works
It's the same game you already run here, with a table where the address used to be.
On the game form, How it's played has three answers: In person, Online tournament or Online cash. Pick one of the last two. No address, no parking.
Invites go out like always, by email and opt-in text. Everybody who says In gets a chair with a free account. Nobody else gets near the table.
On the night, everybody opens the game from their invite or My Games and sits down. You hit Start, and Sal shuffles up.
Two ways to play
Pick it per game. Both deal Texas Hold'em, no limit, pot limit or fixed limit, by the book.
Same stack, same blind ladder, same rebuys as the game you booked. The blinds go up on their own, and Sal announces every one of them.
Fixed blinds and no clock to beat. Come and go as you like: the table keeps dealing as long as two of you are sitting.
What's on the table
Minus the chip dust, the spilled beer, and Randy's elbow in your ribs.
Everybody gets a clock. Run it down and your time bank starts, and the whole table is told. Run that out and it checks or folds for you.
When it's all in, everybody sees everybody's chances as the board runs out. Watch 91% lose, live.
Every hand of the night is kept. Rewatch the one you'll be bringing up until Christmas.
Tick Check / fold, Call any or Call 600 early, and it happens the moment it's your go. Saves everybody the speech.
Doorbell, kids, the obvious. Step away and the table checks or folds for you until you're back. Time out twice and it steps you away itself.
Pause now or after this hand, nudge the level, close rebuys, hand a co-host the keys. Power, finally.
Nothing to download. Open the game, sign in, sit down. Works on the couch, the train and (see above) the bathroom.
Side pots, straddles and chops, by the book. A four-colour deck, so nobody calls a flush with three hearts and a diamond.
Head to head
He says it's "basically the same thing". He has bought gems. Twice.
| The job | Your online game | The free poker app |
|---|---|---|
| Who's at the table | ✓ Your people. Invited, said In, signed in. | xX_RiverRat_Xx, two bots, and somebody's nephew. |
| Who deals | ✓ Sal. Bloodshot, foul-mouthed, rooting against you. | A polite robot voice that says "Good luck!" and means none of it. |
| Between hands | ✓ Chat, reactions, and a fish for Dave | A 30-second ad for a game about farming. |
| Buying chips | ✓ You can't. There's nothing to buy. | 50,000 gems for $9.99. BEST VALUE! |
| Somebody takes forever | ✓ Shot clock, then time bank, then a fold | The table waits. And waits. He's in a tunnel. |
| Bragging rights | ✓ On the game, and in the House League | A badge that says "Bronze Shark III". |
| What it costs | ✓ Comes with the host's $7.99. Players free. | Free, plus your dignity, one gem at a time. |
Sal answers
No. The online table comes with the host's membership, same $7.99. Players sit free, with a free account.
Players on the game's guest list who said In, signed in with their free account. No strangers, no forwarded links, no Kevin from the other group chat.
No. It runs in the browser on a phone, tablet or computer: an iPhone on iOS 16 or later, or a recent Chrome, Edge, Firefox or Safari. Open the game, sign in, take a seat.
No. There's text chat, reactions, and Sal, who talks enough for everybody. If you need to see Randy's face when the river comes, keep your group call going in another window.
No. Chips only. The table never takes, holds or pays out a cent, and there's nothing to buy. Results go on the game like any other night.
Your seat waits, and the table reconnects on its own. If your clock runs out first, it checks or folds for you. Never anything braver.
Up to ten at a table. An online tournament opens more tables when more people say In, keeps them balanced, and brings the survivors together at a final table.
Not for an online night: the table runs its own clock off the game's blinds. The Dirty Poker Timer is for the nights you're all in one room.
Book her for the game and she deals. Same table, meaner commentary. Meet Sally.
Book the next one online, invite the usual suspects, and let Sal deal. Players are free. Pants remain optional.
Deal me in, 30 days freeThen $7.99/mo. Consider it Sal's tip.